Uncertain

Sometimes you go to a place and you wonder whether you fit it or not...

i guess fitting in is one thing but the most impt question to ask is "do you belong there"

sometimes i wonder whether i do belong in my course...

i see so many bright minds everyday and sometimes u just have that tinge of self-doubt.

will you do a good enough job when u graduate?

i mean... i have to... there's sooo much at stake...

but then, there are ten reasons i think i dont belong here..

maybe its just exams stress but here goes:

1. i'm the only singaporean who is in this course with over 8 points for O levels
2. the only one with no bio/physics background.. (poor science foundation)
3. i seem to forget all i learn really fast
4. i love to sleep too much =)
5. i take too long to learn, like more than double the time ppl take
6. my forte is still think lies more towards the artsy side
7. my tuition fees are ridiculous. and i don know if i can graduate.
8. i dont really want to compete in such a cut throat environment (mayb cos i'll lose bad)
9. i'm one of 3 not form top-5 jc and u all know what happen to my A levels
10. i may not get to specialise in what i wan...

sigh

if i choose not to continue, i can take an "out" option in my third year.

just get my Bachelor of Medical Science and say good night...

but yea...

i'll press on... take each day as it comes...

1940 to go.....

AHHHHHHH

ANATOMY!!!!!!

Photo scanned from Netter's Human Atlas of Anatomy

well so i just spent like 2 hrs doing hardcore anatomy...

see until my eyes pain haha...

haha.. but i guess i have to say... i love anatomy!!! =)

imagine that pic above but like over 500 pages of it.. -.- haha

but yea, its realli cool but damn hard to visualise and remember

nxt week i get to dissect! hope i can understand it more

and i just realised... eating 2 slices of garlic pizza 15 mins before dissection pract is not smart haha..

felt abit nauseous but nth happened =)

Updates

Well so so so...

Been mugging for one day.. well.. almost... damn sianz liaoz...

i find that yea i really like what i'm studying.. but for now, i still don really get the whole pic..

i hope i get it faster.. not like last sem when only 1 week b4 exam then i got it all...

this sem need to do well to get the AMS subject in year 3 i want...

Anyways yea on friday...

i was walking towards the medical building for a class...

you know sometimes when u walk u can hear ppl talking even if u nv really try to...
like overhear accidently

yea... i overheard 3 convos along the way...
though i didnt get the whole convo cos i was walking quite fast..

i could hear the gist. ie the keywords/synopsis/outline whatever u want to call it.

here they are:

1st convo keywords:
osmotic pressure
emesis

2nd convo keywords:
short gut syndrome
metabolism

3rd convo keywords:
histology
carcinoma

i was like.. wah lao... walk along the way also hear this kinda stuff damn sad...

sigh, now u know why we got no life..

in sch we learn, do lab

outside we research

free time go read journal, practice clinical skills...

walking anywhere also talk abt work

sigh...

and i think my whole life will be like this...

suddenly i find that when i go back sg i wanna work but i don wan anything to do with what i'm studying.

any lobangs anyone? haha

A Spring in my step!

=)

It's the first day of spring... new season new resolutions. haha...

1. i hope to catch on on my work

2. i hope to get back to exercising.

and i finally finished my 2500 word essay. i hope it will be good.

anyways i just got bad news. i heard the 2003-2005 average mark for my current semester is onli 70%. damn sad la.. i need 70% if i want to go overseas during my 3rd year. haiz... wish me luck..

anyway got a test coming up on the 9th of sept. 35 more lects to go =(

and i added more books to my current selection.

here goes

Pathophysiology of diseases

Anatomedia

Medical Microbiology

Clinically Orientated Anatomy

Clinical Examination

Biochemistry

Colour Textbook of Histology

Netter's Human Atlas of Anatomy

Physiology

Pathologic Basis of Diesease

Pharmocology

Current Essentials of Medicine

Signs and Symptoms

Pocket Guide to Diagnostic Tests

i think there alone got close to 400 bucks already. lol...

but its ok la... for some "light" reading...

update me ppl!

Hey

Replies...

Ter: haha... lol.. its like that one la... u study so much abt diseases u sure think u have. like i realise i always show the symptoms of what i am studying. haha... oh well.. some things are out of our control... cannot help one.

Angel: haha... i saw the star-like thingy mark made.. nice haha... ask him to teach me!!! lol
and i do not sound desperate on Jm's blog haha... i just need some juice to spice up my boring life. haha...

JM: oiz pics lehz... and when can we meet the girl? i can do a examination for her? haha... i need volunteers haha...

Ao: wah... how come emotionally detached? i duno about that. some ppl say its good for the job and some ppl say its not. but depends on the context. hard to say also. but i'm too emotionally involved one lor. sometimes see patient also cannot bear to look at them

anyways my life is around the same.

and i finally felt a liver, measuring at 13cm. haha... its some ang moh guy. he measured mine is around 10cm. dunno correct not...

been tryin to finish up my essay... realli need motivation. although i work best when its like the week b4 and i'm realli under pressure to do it. haha... sad rite... like i can do it in 6 hours just burning one night of oil. =)

but doesnt work for my studying though. haha... study i need lots of time which brings me back to my point i have a test on 9 sept. 40 lectures to study. sigh. im on like the 5th one. so dead. haha...

so im gg to try to burn the midnight oil today and hope it gets finished. wish me luck...

Sorry

Hey guys,

Sorry for the long hiatus...

Anyways, i've just been swamped with stuff, drowning in my work already.

So its now like week 6 of 14 of my second semester. realli cant wait to go back to sg..

The weather is freezing now. one of the coldest august in 4 years so yea..

anyway i'm doing my Health practice essay(25oo words)

and i'm behind in my weekly research

and i'm like 3 weeks behind in reading my lectures

and i still got a church event to plan (but it will be over by this sat)

Really looking to semester 6 which is my AMS year which i do a year of research. but first must do well enough as candidates are chosen based on results so if i want to get my first choice i would have to jia you!

last week i went for a clinical placement and yea...

saw a patient with liver failure. sometimes ppl just get sick w/o doing anything to themselves.

anyway moving on from that

yea... i'm still quite scared when i talk to them,

cos its the real thing, not like when u practice with your friends. if u say smth wrong, its ok and u just laugh it off. but with a real patient, its so diff..

plus their accent sometimes make it hard to understand

so placement are like those u see on televisions. except less glam. basically we follow a doctor around while he sees patients, trying to teach us. Then he will ask us questions and stuff. questions like:

what do u see from this patient?
what should you look for?
what sort of questions should you ask?

and sometimes he lets us take a history and do a physical examination.

One time we were in a room for 1 hr plus. and it was kinda boring cos he kept talkin on and on and i was kinda drifting in and out of it. anyway suddenly i was called.

he said "ok lawrence go suit up, you're going to do a physical examination on a patient"

i swear my heart was going at 150 beats. i was shaking la.

when i was wearing the "gown-like thing u see on tv" and the gloves all that was going on in my head was "chill chill chill" and "oh no what if i do smth wrong"

when i was approaching the patient i kinda fumbled my lines abit too also. suddenly all the stuff i practised just went down the drain. its just so diff from practices and i guess i have to get used to it.

still not quite used to the fact that i can get so close and get to examine patients. cos its like i still don think i'm qualified or ready. but i guess this is how we all learn.

but when u put on the gown and the glove, its such a diff feeling. the patient looks at you expectantly and you so want to say "its going to be fine" but you know its not.

helpless and lost are two words i would use...

but i felt it was a good experience and i know if the doctor calls me again, i will be better prepared. ok back to studying...

ps. thinking of doing a hospital attachment during the holidays =)

A matter of perspective

Road tax and car ownership charges have also been lowered to help the middle-income segment. While the recent increase in ERP charges have created some unhappiness, the overall cost of owning a car has actually come down.

-Channel News Asia

At first look, all seems fine.

The govt is doing smth right and i guess that's what CNA was told/is trying to do.

Looking at it, you realize its such a clever use of words.

The cost of OWNING a car has decrease but the kicker is:

The cost of DRIVING a car has increased exponentially.

So now we can own cars but are discouraged to drive them?

i wonder.....