What is sucess..

Sometimes u do wonder what is success?

i guess sucess is rather relative...

growing up, i've never had much success, especially academic.

In primary sch i guess ALL my teachers hated me. success in primary school to me meant that my digimon won someone else's. Or that i would catch all 150 pokemons. and all i was hoping for was to pass PSLE which i barely did.

Succes in secondary school was also another relative matter. success in secondary 1 for me meant that i was the top frag for counter strike...

and as a result i failed my secondary 1...

so in secondary 2 i was transferred to normal and then i had my first glimpse of what success was about and what i could actually do if i put in some effort. i didnt have to work that hard and managed to do well enough to get transferred to express and take double pure science and double math. Though that would have to be attributed to my tuition teachers who made me believe i was not dumb, smth that my school teachers instilled in me..

but in secondary 4 i guess i didnt work as hard as i should have and scraped past O levels...

i guess it was still some success, as after i failed secondary 1 i thought that was it...

JC was the worst time where the only success i felt was on the rugby pitch where i did my job and people looked up to me. The classrooms were totally different, where i would sleep in lectures and tutorials. My teachers gave up on me and how can i blame them when i gave up on myself?

The army... was... successful. Considering the fact that i made it out in one piece, made good friends and had a good batch of people.

In Australia, i didnt know what to expect. i was motivated by something. was it success i didnt know. did i have smth to prove to people? that i was not a failure after all? whatever my motives were, i studied like hell.

Would i say i have found direction now? well, i guess certain aspects of my life has changed and i have made some wholesale changes. Whether that is good or not, that is up to those i know to decide.

why the sudden rambling on success?

well i attended the Trinity College Awards ceremony last night. where awards and scholarships were given out.

and the guest of honour was on and on about how we have succeeded. and he posted us a question. On our funeral, what would you want others to say about you?

rich? busy? hardworking? made a difference?

i guess i do not have such big dreams. i wont find a cure for cancer nor win a nobel prize.

all i want to do now is make an impact on others, one way or another.

seeing so many of my friends getting awards and scholarships. sometimes deep inside i wonder whether i would have the chance. its not vital to me. i do not need that recognition.

somehow i have seen past my materialistic/egoistic needs.

though a cash prize would be nice, considering the ridiculous fees i am paying...

All i got last night, was a certificate of academic excellence.

Though small and insignificant compared to others. I just have to look back and around me to know how blessed i am. and there is nothing more i can ask for.

i left wondering what is success and whether at the end of the road will i have done smth good with my life

i left knowing that dozens of us gave up at least 2 scholarships to study medicine. to reject my first scholarship was really sad as i never thought i would receive one ever in my life.

i left with a new motivation to study even harder, not for recognition or approval. but to use this opportunity i am blessed with to do smth good. and even if no one comes to my funeral. i would leave knowing that i had done smth. While leaving the world a better place would be a strech. Making those around me happy would be a blessing.