New Direction

I think i should start to rethink what i want to do with my life.

Starting with this blog..

Well the history of this boring blog started in 2007

I first came to melbourne to do my college fresh out of carring jerry cans in the army (pun intended for yx)

And my friends wanted to know what i was up to and so this blog came about.

But now that i think about it. I guess why would people want to read about my life.

I mean, how significant is my life?

How will people reading about my life benefit them? Well, sure sometimes i do post some stuff up for fun, hoping to make people laugh (as most of u know that's all i do really)

But i guess i want something more. Something to remind me that this world does not revolve around me.

That i alone am insignificant in this world. I can never impact it in the way i want to.

So i guess this blog will be more like my previous post where people have said its too "chim"

As an aside i've made a new resolution. It's to speak proper english so i'll do my best to type in grammatically correct sentences and speak without the singlish slang. Try it. Its impossible >.<

Anyway back to the main point, i guess i'll use my blog to just post up certain reflections and while the people reading (i'm not sure if ppl read) make not fully understand, i hope it will evoke certain thoughts and emotions.

At least it will take the focus away from me and hopefully we will all gain something from it.

I'll update more after my test on monday >.<.

Pray for me =)

TRUST

I guess ever since i've came back to Melbourne in 2009. Alot of things have been different.

Which has lead me to think and reflect upon various expects of my life.

Such as:

Relationships

Studies/Expectations

Goals/Resolution

What will I invest my time in? What do i hope to achieve? What will i learn?

I guess the hardest lessons in life cannot be truly learnt without experience. It may sound like a cliche. But i guess its true in certain aspects of my life.

I guess a really important lesson i've learnt is Trust.

Well what is trust. The generic definition the dictionary gives is that we perceive to be trust. What the people believe trust to be.

We hear it in songs.

Our friends tell us that.

Our soulmates yearn for that.

Children want it from their parents.

But what are it's implications? What are the sacrifices?

Can u trust something you cannot see? Can you believe in something that does not exist?

People wait a life time to learn how to trust. And some wait a lifetime waiting for their trust to be reciprocated, only just to find that it's never there.

Is trust the hope we hold onto?

Is trust the fantasy we hope to have?

What aspects of our lives really require trust?

I do not claim to have the answer to that question.

Putting religious matters aside where i feel a certain degree of trust is crucial, i feel the relationships we build with each other deserves a large amount of trust.

However, do we really have what it takes to summon ridiculous amounts of trust that smashes all perceptions of rationality?

To be able to hold on to an idea/concept/fairytale where every single piece of evidence says otherwise.

Always looking out for signs that will get you through each day. And when you feel that it's slipping through your grasps, you hold onto it tighter, unaware of the long term consequences it has.

The weird thing about humans is we have needs. We have feelings. Some people let emotions drive them and some drive away all emotions. That's analogous to individuals who trust and those who don't.

Me? I'm optimisically holding on to a pessimistic situation. I hold on to an idea despite nothing backing me up. No one to catch me when i fall down the flights of trust i've climbed steadily over the years.

I believe i matter and while i may be forgotten or forsaken, i will try not to be forlorn.

Because i trust. I have to and its all i have.

I believe one can pray to be loved, but never ever pray not to love.

So what is trust to me?

It

Takes
Ridiculous
Unconditional
Sacrifices
Truly

But in

True
Relationships
Unconditional
Sacrifices are
Timeless

So hold on. Trust. Because even the worst form of disappointment can be negated by the best form of trust.

Song of the day

Dashboard Confessional - Stolen

Not so much the lyrics but the tune and stuff. the overall presentation of the song.

Going to play tennis tml and mayb gym...

=)

Rhythm

Well its week 2 and things have settled into a predictable rhythm...

Sleep eat study go toilet....

and occasionally play PES 2009 with my friends haha..

and today i cooked a really "feng fu" meal...

cheese omelette with italian herbs
lettuce with mushrooms in fish sauce
smoked salmon with garlic, olive oil, black pepper and chilli flakes
1 cup of rice

and i finished it... my appetite seems to have increased after i got back here..

could be the gym or that i'm hitting what i believe will be my 3rd puberty

so this semester is rather hard and i've learnt the difference between up to date with work and revised work...

revised means up to date but up to date does not mean revised (ie you are up to date but dunno the content well)

its only week 2 and i'm already mugging like mad but also gg out more and playing some games so i guess there is a balance...

have to start thinking of where to go for my 1 year of research. any ideas anyone?

chance to get published and get a nobel prize? dream on lol....

like i said b4... glory means little and i live to make ppl smile...

and now i'm gg to make myself smile by sleeping as my eyes seem to be on auto-squint mode..

P.S. dunno what i'll dream about today as i always seem to dream everyday... if only my dreams came true (smiles stupidly to self)

Current Songs i'm listening too

I think the songs i listen to reflect and can affect my mood..

i guess i'm more emotional that i would admit and sometimes i do have to put up a wall to hide my emotions.

So current songs are:

Damien Rice : 9 crimes, cannonball

Jason Mraz: Lucky

Lenka: The show

9 crimes is really good.. damien rice is one artist that if u go to you tube and listen to his performances, none of his songs are sung in the same way..

He really sings from the heart. =)

Melbourne 2009

So its been 2 days since sch started and 3 since i got back...

and yea i feel that things are alot different and i'm a person that does not really do well with changes but i guess i have to learn...

this year i will be 23 and yeah it kind of scary haha... it really seems like we are all growing up so fast...

anyway sch is quite ok except that i really have to work hard to catch up and so far i've had 3 lectures already and have re-listened to all of them online again so i guess i'm satisfied for now...

today listened to 2 online lects, took a nap and cooked carbonara for dinner.. still needs work but i think i'll get it right.

things are different but i'll roll along...

take care guys!

Hey Guys

Im back in sg woohoooo....

past few days have been hard with exam and some problems but i'm glad to be back and looking forward to a new chapter in my life next year....

i know u guys got exams so yea... i don mind meeting up for study sessions hahah...

Good Luck and all the best to you guys for exams