A Disturbing Post

Disclaimer Act 140.1a pg 200009 to 19999999990

The following post is the views of the author himself and and resemblance to anyone is purely coincidental. Readers discretion is advised. Highly morbid, with images of self loathing and self pity, coupled with disturbing thoughts and visions and mental destruction to a pathological extent. If u are under 18 or do not wish to be exposed to such material,

Do not read.

And readers... u have been warned.

By Law.
12/04/2008

Depression: a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason

Delusional :a fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact

As i grow older on the outside (many wud disagree), i feel that mentally, i am not. While i am very different from the guy/boy/man/man-child who left sunny singapore a little over a year ago and traded climates for icy melbourne, i have realised many things.

The things that used to bother me do not anymore...

The things that never used to bother me not bother me...

I was an optimist, now i'm a depressed delusionist.

I now live in a land where i walk ard with a "do not disturb sign" on my forehead.
I have mastered the "piss off" look....

Like what Jm said in the tag board.

There's a difference betw knowing the path, and walking the path.

I know excatly what i need to do. But i dunno how to do it.
I know i have to let go of certain stuff. But i dunno how to do it.
I know i shld move on no matter what. But my legs refuse to move.
I know i shld supress my stubborness. But my stubborness does not want the stubborness to go

I know i shld not be myself. But i am...

This is the second time i have self-diagnosed myself.

First i have UTI... (guys shld know)

Now i have depression....

And better than that, i cannot find a way to release it.

I have no wall to punch, my head is too soft to knock, plus i'll lose even more IQ points.

There's an image in my head that wont go away (rather disturbing actually)

I'm driving a car at 200km/hr and i smash straight into a wall.... and after.. i walk out feeling better...

depressed or delusional... up to u guys to decide...

I need to learn distance... i need to let go of certain stuff... i need not to be myself but i am...

To jm: Its not just you.

im sure 10 billion ppl all over the world are struggling with this problem. The start of a relationship is the hard part. To prove to someone that u will love them for a lifetime.

It takes a lifetime.

To maintain a relationship, it requires your lifetime (ie your life)

and what are u left with.. nothing..

I just to think u know u are in love if u feel ultimate bliss. U are happy like an idiot all the time. U are happy cos u get to see the person u love. U share everything with them. Love is great, it conquers all.

But now i think love is different. Or mayb, there's a new variety. The new age love. Which is absolute pain. Nothing but a feeling of nothingness. A state of depression. And u tell urself u are in love

Delusional..

Thats the hard part of life. When u say let go, mean it and if u cant, live with it. ( I need this)

Find ways to release it. Get a car. Punch a hole in a wall. Find someone u can confide in.

oh yea i'm free, u can send mi an email or thru msn oso can. =) no charge

If there is happiness in this world, now at this veri moment, i cant.

I am just soooooo tired and sometimes i wonder where i get the strength to get out of bed.

Then again im delusional. In denial. so i get out of bed.

So whats the morale of this post. i have no idea. Im rambling. I guess it means u cant be depressed w/o being delusional.

And with delusion brings depression. oh no wait. a painful release from happiness.

And thats how i get on with life